Saturday, March 31, 2007

Okay, these pictures aren't the best, but they are documentation of some wonderful things!! The top photo is a bracelet of charms that one of my best friends sent me for my birthday. The circle on the left says "Acceptance", the one of the right says "Inspire" and the small middle one says "Friendship". The card that she sent with it explained the meaning behind each one and it is probably one of the most meaningful gifts I have ever received. She sent it to be worn as a choker, but I wanted to be able to see it so that I could be reminded of it's meaning.

Now, for the bottom one. I actually knitted this i-cord from size 8 cotton in the hopes of using it for the above bracelet. I just couldn't get it to hold the charms steady, so I set it aside on my bookcase and basically forgot about it. Well, this morning, I decided to join a Beth Moore online bible study called "Believing God". Praise God for DSL! The first lesson was powerful and was really working on confirming some things that are going on in my life. (God's timing is always perfect!). At the end, she took us to Numbers 15:37-41, which says:

The LORD said to Moses, "Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘Throughout the generations to come you are to make tassels on the corners of your garments, with a blue cord on each tassel. You will have these tassels to look at and so you will remember all the commands of the LORD, that you may obey them and not prostitute yourselves by going after the lusts of your own hearts and eyes. Then you will remember to obey all my commands and will be consecrated to your God. I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt to be your God. I am the LORD your God.’"

She told us to tie a blue ribbon around our right wrist to remind us of the same things. Immediately, I knew what that blue i-cord was for!!

I am so often humbled by the wonder of God! He uses the tiniest things to effect us in big ways. I am so looking forward to continuing in this study and really beginning to believe God for big things!!
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Monday, March 26, 2007

Today's session went pretty well. We were able to meet outside and I didn't feel so claustrophobic. She seems to be coming around, her medication is helping and she sees the need for me to keep it focused on Scripture and the aspects of her troubles that I can understand. Many of her questions are "deep", but I told her that I'm working on better understanding abuse and it's ramifications. Hopefully she'll really begin to make some breakthroughs and begin to see her purpose.

I'm not feeling nearly as anxious as I was. Maybe I just need to keep pouring it out on here!

The weather today (and yesterday) has just been amazing! It's around 80 degrees and breezy. It certainly does help my mood and ability to cope! Praise God!!
I'm counseling someone.

7 years ago, I went through my last serious bout with anxiety and depression. 7 years before that, I went through it the first time. I've always had a "depressed" personality-at least on the inside, I was once told that I'd smile at a funeral. I guess what's on the inside isn't often shown on the outside. I always seem strong and capable. Ready to face anything. Ready to help others. This time, it's really hard.

I've always wanted to counsel. My spiritual gift is exhortation with pastor/shepherd right up there. People have always come to me with their problems. I remember having kids bring me their problems way back. I was often helping people in the back seat of the bus! When I went through the instense times of anxiety and depression, I assumed God would use them to help others. His Word tells us,

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 (NIV)
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

I always knew that He would use it for His glory and to help others. I didn't realize how much it would affect me to try to put it into practice. Up to this time, I've been helping young moms or other friends and a few ladies from outside my circle. This time, my pastor put me in contact with a woman who was seeking someone to help her study her Bible and has severe anxiety.

Unfortunately, it has brought about feelings of anxiety (March is my worst month) in me. I don't feel like "me". I'm struggling with irrational fear and mistrust. I want so much to trust God in this, but I'm not sure that I know how to do that. If I can't get rid of the underlying current of anxiety about this situation, am I really trusting God?

I don't believe that I went through what I went through just to sit at home and feel better about myself. But, even though I've desired to counsel others for years (including a desire to possibly go into the ladies prison), I'm beginning to doubt that I can handle it.

The depths of this woman's sorrows and life are a bit overwhelming. I'm studying to try and understand it better, but I don't want it to consume me.

I always want to fix things. I want to make it better. I see that as my pride, for my glory. That is sin. On the other hand, I know that God can heal this woman if she is willing and will cooperate.

Lord, help to keep this all in perspective. Help me to trust you, that you will not give me more than I can handle. Help me to keep in my that you are the Healer, that I am not the Holy Spirit and that only you can bring change in the womans life. Help me to let those things go that I cannot control. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Baby J's sweater done with Lorna's Laces Swirl Dk. Love it!!
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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Since I have dsl now I'm going to try and do a better job of blogging. I'm absolutely loving how quickly things come up and I can get video, etc. I feel like we've finally caught up.

The weather has just been fabulous the last couple of days. It's supposed to be 75 degrees today!! It really helps to motivate a person!

I haven't been knitting much, just little bits here and there. With my flu, then no electricity for 6 days, and now a cold, I just haven't been terribly motivated. I'm hoping to get into something that challenges me a bit, but haven't found the right project yet.

Monday, March 12, 2007


Finally, praise God, we have dsl. It's wonderfully fast and I can do so much more in a much shorter amount of time. I'm looking forward to doing more things online.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

What a week!!!!

Well, if this February hadn't already been a weird one, this past week certainly put it over the top.

The first couple of weeks of February were spent dealing with lots of baby lambs coming very quickly and at late hours-putting us all way behind on sleep. Then, I had to throw in a week long illness of some sort that put me out of commission (the middle day being the worst--miserable!). Things calmed down for a bit and I got caught up on laundry and groceries. Good thing. Last Saturday, at approximately 1:10, our power went out and we just got it back yesterday around 2:00 pm!

It all started with a rain/ice storm and strong winds. We'd never had our electricity go out for very long so we thought we'd be okay. We played games and got out all the candles and ate lunch meat sandwiches for supper thinking that surely by Sunday we'd have power back. We slept on the living room floor under a pile of blankets. The next morning, still no power, church was cancelled and the radio said that it would probably be a couple of days for those in rural areas. That's us. We toyed around with the idea of getting a generator, but decided we'd be okay for a couple of days.

On Monday I went to town to get a few things and meet with a lady. The damage was extensive. Pretty much everyone we know was without power or had been (these were few and far between). By that afternoon the power companies had had a chance to assess the situation. Over 1000 miles of power lines and poles were down!! At one point, there were over 200,000 without power. When we finally got ours back on, they were down to 18,000 or so.

Tuesday I went to town and did a couple of loads of towels at my mom's, took a hot shower and played on the internet. We had ended up getting a generator the night before, but it took forever to get hot water, so this was a nice treat. When I got home from teaching knitting lessons that night, the house was warm and we didn't have to sleep on the living room floor! A real blessing for this body of mine!

On Wednesday, another storm started to roll in. By Friday roads and interstates were shut down. Some places in western Iowa got over 20" of snow!! We only got about 3" and despite the blowing the power company was able to get our power back on.

The roads are still not great, but we are getting out this evening to go hang out with hubby's brother and wife and our great-nephew! They had heavy damage up where they live, it will be interesting to see.

I did get a little knitting done-I made a pair of fingerless gloves for myself!!

God is so faithful! Despite what could have been a week of grumbling and complaining-we did pretty well and just sort of went along for the ride. We are very excited to have our power back, though and very grateful that God watched over us this week (as He always does).

Oh yeah, I did a little reading-finished Joel C. Rosenberg's The Ezekiel Option. WOW!! Excellent book!