Trust--firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something
I spent 29 years of my life trusting in my own reliability, my own version of the truth, my own ability, and my own strengths. I didn't know the LORD and I thought my heart was fine....or did I?
For years, from the time I was a small child, I knew that my heart was not right, but I didn't know why and it wasn't something I voiced. I kept it to myself.
My grandmother was a very self-reliant woman. She worked extremely hard and was a great role-model. She didn't go to church and didn't really have time for those who did, but she was "spiritual". She believed her mother was psychic and she felt she was to a certain degree. She was also into astrology and doing "charts". Much of what she said made all kinds of sense to my young seeking heart. I believed what she said about god being in all of us and that he was out there, but didn't care about the little things in our lives. He wasn't really there to guide our destiny, that was really up to us as individuals.
I went about my own way, then, fairly certain that I was okay. Sin didn't matter. God, if there was a God, (and my heart told me there was) didn't care about my indiscretions, He understood the changing times and surely He adapted to those!
My grandmother pushed education. She saw in my chart that I was going to be a journalist, maybe even tv. I enjoyed writing and did well in school, so it didn't seem to far off. I could do this. My aunt and uncle were also very well educated and they encouraged me to continue my education past high school. Since I because estranged from my grandmother late in high school, I decided that journalism wasn't for me and that I was going to go for early child development. My aunt had her masters degree in learning disabilities and so I should begin the process of working towards that goal.
1 1/2 years in, I changed my major. I decided I wanted to be a NICU nurse. Then, no. Changed again. Went back to writing and pyschology. Finally, firmly, I decided on computer science. It was a growing field. I was accepted to ISU. I went for orientation and never went back.
What held me back? Life. I decided to get married. I couldn't make up my mind about what I wanted to study and I knew that I didn't really want to work outside the home once I started having children.
I didn't stop learning, though. I am an avid reader. I love to read history, biographies, cultural studies. I'm a people person. I love to think about what makes people tick, why they choose certain beliefs or actions. I still wasn't satisfied. Something was missing in my learning and seeking.
Finally, after years of the Holy Spirit's pursuit in my life, I turned my life over to God's hands. I trusted in what His Son, Jesus, did for me on the cross. Those things that I thought He just didn't care about, my little sins, even my giant sins, He did care about and He would punish me because the wages of sin is death....but, He sent His Son to pay that price. He gave His life so that I didn't have to. And in so doing, He gave me life!
Suddenly, all those worldly pursuits that didn't work out made sense. They weren't suppose to. They weren't the direction the LORD had for me. I stopped trusting in myself, my abilities, my strength. I started trusting in the God who made me, knows me far better than I knew myself, and who loves me with a love that is beyond my comprehension.
I began acknowledging Him in every area of my life. Not just on Sundays when we went to church, but every day, in every decision.
He turned my life completely around. I saw things fresh and new. I saw things from His perspective because I dug through the Bible in order to understand.
He took some things out of my life, but He added in so much more!
My paths are getting straighter. There is less veering to the right or the left. My vision is better. Answers are clearer.
Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.