Wednesday, July 19, 2006

In the Basic Life seminar, Bill Gothard talks about our lives being cyclical. I do believe it's true. I've always struggled through March (don't know why for sure, by my dr. suggested SAD and it's my birthday month) and I struggle a lot in the summer. Sin rears its ugly head. Food and old habits take hold in my life. I haven't gained, but I haven't lost. My heart races from the carbs and sugar. So, I started wondering about why summer is so hard for me in the food area...

We buried my step-dad 29 years ago today! That entire summer, before and after, had been very stressful. He was laid off, struggling with many things in his life, getting deep into things he shouldn't have been involved in, and then he died. Everyone brought the young widow and their 13-year-old daughter tons of food!! It was totally acceptable for me to eat and eat. We couldn't let it go to waste. The rest of the summer (and for several years), life was sad. Sometimes, it was out of control. The next summer, his natural children finally found my step-grandparents (we lived in a different house, but on the same farm. We were very close). My step-grandparents were thrilled that their grandchildren had found them. I went from being their pride and joy (I was an only child, as well as my step-dad being their only child-they were so heartsick when he died) to being Kenny's step-daughter. That hurt my heart. It was summer, again, and I had now lost my grandparents. The kids came to visit that summer and oh, the joy! We had to show them off, take them everywhere (the boy was 2 years older than myself, and the girl was a month younger than myself). Everywhere, we ate. I sucked it up and went along with all the fun, but I look back now and realize that my heart was broken and I was hurting.

That relationship, with my grandparents, was never the same and within 4 years, we were estranged. My grandpa came down with cancer and died-I never saw him during that process.

I've learned to face March with prayer and an understanding that it's okay to "coast" as the dr put it, I guess I'm going to have to approach summer with the same preparation. I've got to give myself a little break (while gently making changes) and remember that this is somewhat programmed into my being. Lord, help me face this cyclical times in my life filled with your grace and mercy!

I had an amazing experience at the county fair the other night. There were members of the Christian Motorcycle Association (yes, B, you know several of them!). I got to chatting with them and shared my story of Moose. They let me know that they know of someone that goes to the clubhouses and shares the Gospel. I know that God is going to do a mighty work in Moose's heart, the same as He did in the hearts of the men I met the other night.

We also walked in the parade. Oh my goodness, it was so hot!! I was feeling it yesterday morning when I woke up. I definitly had the "sun-kissed" look!!

Today is cleaning day, as well as getting a bunch of magazines sent off that I auctioned off on ebay. Vacation is just a few days away!!

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