It's been a long time since I've really updated the blog. March was a rough month for me, it always is. My dr. says that I have SAD (seasonal affective disorder), so March is almost unbearable. When I saw her at the beginning of the month, she told me to just maintain, get through the month and hit it hard in April. So, I gained about 4 pounds, but I made it through March. I praised God for getting me through again and on the 1st of April, I got busy. So far, I've walked (in-home) 8 miles since Saturday. I'm already feeling so much better. I've been able to control my eating (exercising really helps!) and I'm getting back into better habits. I'm so thankful for the times of anxiety and depression that the Lord has allowed me to go through, He taught me how to come against those things when they rear their ugly heads in my life.

We are working on preparing for middle-daughters graduation this coming May. When I think about it, I get a bit overwhelmed. On top of that, my youngest is taking drivers education and will have to drive on graduation day. We're going to be in the field pretty soon, also. Oh my, sometimes, I just want to run and hide!! It will be okay, though, the Lord will see us through. I can't let myself get all worked up, the Lord always deals with it.

I've had some interesting moments in the past week or so-with my past. That probably sounds strange. One morning, at church, we discovered that a lady that I've been going to church with for a couple of years was actually my babysitter when I was about 4. Through a strange course of events, we figured out who each other was. Small world!!

That same evening, I sat down to watch "History of the Chopper" by Jesse James. My mom had taped it for me a few weeks ago on the Discovery Channel. You see, I grew up around bikers. Not just guys that rode Harleys. I grew up around El Forasteros, choppers, drugs, s**, and rock and roll. I grew up with a chopper shop in my backyard-literally. My step-dad had a shop where they tore down their bikes every winter and rebuilt them-motor up. So, when Mom said that she was taping this, I was excited. It's always interesting to see what they come up with.

My step-dad died when I was 13, the result of a drunk driver hitting him from behind. The girl on the back of the bike was killed instantly, Dad died two days later from cardiac arrest-he was paralyzed from the chest down. The man who hit him went to jail for only two years (this was in the late 70's).

So, with interest and a little anticipation, the kids and I sat down to watch the show. I knew that I had lived through an interesting time, but I didn't expect to see anything or anyone that was familiar. Plus, I figured it would be pretty localized, California.

The first couple of segments were very interesting. We went to a commercial, came back and Jesse was welding on the old school chopper that he was building from a frame from the 70's. Next thing I know, we're in the rolling hills of northern Iowa and southern South Dakata. Whoa!! What's about to happen here. My mind was whirling as he started talking about the El Forasteros. Surely there wouldn't be anyone that I knew. We see this older man riding his chopper down the highway and then we're outside the clubhouse. A man says, "My little piece of heaven is getting crowded, everyone wants a Harley". They cut to his picture and my heart jumped, then they put his name on the screen, "Moose". No! It couldn't be. I knew a Moose.

After a couple of conversations with my mom and some deductive sleuth work, we knew it had to be him. He talked about being in Des Moines. We knew that there was only one "Moose" in the El Forasteros in the early 70's. Mom hadn't watched it, but once she did, it was clinched. This was Moose. My main memory of him was at a bike show in Des Moines. I was standing with my dad, I was about 6, and there was this very big man standing on my other side. He scowled at me, I smiled, and he smiled back. My dad always told me that as long as Moose was around, I'd be safe.

What a strange thing. I've been pondering, praying, wondering what this means in my life at this moment. I've actually been able to find his real name and address. Do I contact him? Get his take on my step-dad's life and legacy? I know that he needs the Lord, is it my job to share with him or just pray for him? Is it time to put my past into words, show how God works in the heart of a child in the midst of a world most people are afraid to enter?

I know that I've been thinking about judgmentalism. I think that we are entirely to generous with our negative judgments of that which we don't understand. I know that people jump to conclusions and judgments without really understanding or even trying to understand. I know that most bikers have earned their reputation, that is often their goal, but I also know that thay are some of the most loyal people you would ever meet. They protect those they consider their own and sometimes they protect because no one else will (case in point, bikers protecting mourners at soldier's funerals because the Kansas nuts are protesting).

We are all sinners, bikers are just more open about it. We need to quit judging others and start loving them, sharing the Gospel with them. None of us are worthy of the Gospel, we need to get off our high horse and allow the Lord to work through us. Jesus ate with sinners, went where others would not dare to go. He didn't tell them to clean up their act before He came, He shared the truth, the Law, and Himself and gave them a choice. Once they make that choice, the Holy Spirit can take over.

But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.
Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

1 Timothy 1:16-17